I actually have gotten rid of most of the poetry from that time, more therapy than art. I kept this one also because of its tie to someone i love, my little Lhasa Noiene.

Meditation with licking dog

Today
I found myself obsessed with the need of a new hat
A leather brown with brim and feathers
to match my boots
and be much more stylish
green velvet was my discontent
green velvet with its history
and unsimilar design.
Out of place, this hat.

“Ommm, ”

I breathed, in and out

and  tried again

“In my pictures
I look so old and fat,” I thought
(same pictures
last week that made me laugh and smile with the memories of joy and love and friendship
dancing on tables)
I hate the way I look
I hate my body, cut and scarred betrayer of my future
I hate…..
I hate…my hat!
It’s that stupid hat, how can I go another day carrying this stupid hat upon my head..

“Ommmmm” I breathe
in and then out and try again

The sign beside my altar says “Remember”
to blurry to read
My eyes are blind with tears
as I dream of hats and rum and lovers
that will keep this fear away
hold the Monday truths of medicine at bay
craving a thousand acquisitions
the hole grows deep and cold
I teeter at its brink…
A hat,
A new leather hat will save me…

“Ooommmmmmm”,
I breathe and try again
This time wet eyes closed
Love presses against my mudra hands
her worried cold and furry nose
Familiar
Grounding
A canine letter from my real Home.

Now I Remember.

Ommmmm
I breathe
No try,
I am

I am breath
I am here
I am peace
I am alive
I am now.
Light and whole and loved.
I breathe
and rise to pack my favorite velevet hat
for another day of Faire.

Remembering Now.