This Slow Old Fat Try-athlete is gonna be a Tough Mudder or die trying! I am preregistered for 2014, this is a cut and paste from my very own in-box!  “We’ve received your preregistration for a Tough Mudder challenge in 2014. Good work. You’ve taken the first step towards becoming a Mudder.”

I am a little scared. But very motivated. And the current state of my broken heart means that the endorphins are needed. I have a 5K and a sprint triathlon under my belt but know I need a few more events between now and then, preferably triathlons. I need to be able to lift my own body weight with my arms multiple times, endure temperature and medium (mud, water, etc) changes and of course be able to actually run an obstacle course.

My current state of affairs are age 50+, Height 5’5″,  weight 213 lbs. I broke the 200 barrier in January, bought new clothes, got rid of all size 20 or greater clothing. Then I injured myself,  and then one of the two most important smiles I got up to see each morning, died.  Then the other was taken out of my life. (If you are new to my blog, I take care of fragile pediatric patients in their own homes and had these two boys as patients for over two years).  Its amazing how with minimal exercise and carbed up grief eating those 20 lbs just reappeared. Unfortunately due to the cortisol load from the stress most of it went on my middle, a place I never usually gain fat.  Not that my thighs aren’t also a little gloopier, as evidenced by my reflection when I am lifting weights.

But that is enough about the composition, how is my performance these days. In general I am better than at my initial foray into being SOFT when I was a 50+yo, 250+lb couch potato who was afraid to put my face in the water, couldn’t run a block, and never in my life rode a bike. I can currently run a mile and swim a half mile. Biking I still suck at, but I do know how to ride and own two bikes (beach cruiser and mountain bike). I like weights, due a couple preseated squats whenever I sit down, can pop out 50 pushups on a waist level counter and love to walk, walk, walk.

I also have multiple phone apps working for me, like Endomondo, My Fitness Works, and the Nike Run Video Game, which gives me power ups for any running I do. These help me keep track and keep me motivated. To gear back up on the distance and endurance I have the official C25K app on my phone as well, which then will become a 10k app in 8 weeks.

On a side note, I am always flabbergasted when I hear a young mind slam shut so very hard and fast, a woman was talking about how dairy bothers her, and well I mentioned trying organic, then she said she was on a juice fast now (how dairy figures in that, she does smoothies), and I said organic is still preferable.   She said the usual about it being too expensive, I mentioned Bountifulbaskets.org; she mentioned Ranchers Market and Walmart. Long story short we hit the topic of GMO and infant mortality and she said we were the “best in the world, anyway” and I said actually we are barely  in the top third. I didn’t even get the sentence completely out and the clang of her mind closing resounded a city block wide. (If you are reading this and do still hold to the myth that the US is somehow at the top of the human food chain, check out the CIA list of worldwide infant mortality rates, or literacy rates. Although they do rate the US higher than WHO or the United Nations we are still 34th in the world).  I am shocked. Her defense. “I just know we are the best, and you’re losing me now, with that statement, and I am sorry if that upsets you but that’s how I feel with you democrats.”

FTR: Telling her that I am worse than a democrat did not seem like the best option at that moment.