Where have all the flowers gone….

So I am rabidly trying to revive my yard and garden. My Suburban Homesteading headed south with so many other things this year.

To give you an example of just how far south, I started this blog on June 4 at 8:59 PM.

What is up with me as we head into July?

I have a brand new patient on a fulltime basis, who really is brand new, less than 3 months old. I will add that babies are still a great challenge, what they lack in strength (please remember I work with patients who have trachs, ventilators, g-tubes or this young NG tubes) they make up for in minute size and squirmy flailing! I love my new patient, and again I am placed with a superb family.

I am wobbling back and forth between choosing to meditate, exercise and eat right and laying around on the couch hibernating eating my organic, vegetarian version of junk food and feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. I have found that the level of breathing issues and pain are about the same either way right now, so really, really, really working on motivating myself to pick the better long term outcome.  This morning I was successful, but honestly only the second day this week I have run, did make 5K.

I am slowly crawling out of a financial shock that pushed a wobbly lifeboat completely over. I am working hard and trying to just take one bite at a time. My friends are incredibly kind and generous. Challenge in this area is feeling guilty or undeserving of their help. I am incredibly better at giving than recieving. More things to work on in my journaling and meditation than I ever fell comfortable sharing here, but I am completely under reconstruction.

In much less serious matters I have been playing a lot of a phone word game called “Words with Friends Free”. My personal Goal was just to be #1 for one week (of friends playing) in average word score.  No attention at this point to overall game scores but suddenly winning a lot more and have suddenly had a lot more turn downs for continuing to play, which is exactly why for so long I played the other way. “What way,” you may ask. Well I would choose a point spread say 10 points, 50 points, whatever I felt like and that would be the amount I would lose by, let me tell you that is A LOT more challenging than winning; more math, letter counting, creativity, etc. There are a few players in my circle who I do play “all out” so to speak because they are that good. I win maybe 1 out of 5 with them, and could never predict them well enought to lose by a set amount. On the other hand, I am less annoyed these days when it becomes obvious that my opponenents are using cheats to place words. Although I don’t get it, how can it feel like winning if its cheated? How is that even fun? However, it does make for more fun for me 🙂 I also am breeding, training and fighting digital dragons. These are my current favorite time wasters. (Yes, still reading a lot, THAT is time use!)

I plan to do some real blogging again soon. This is more of a “Hello” I am still alive. Maybe I should talk more about the challenges of life, my personal pains, failures and foibles: some of the bloggers I followed when blogging was still “in vogue” (and still follow) are/were quite up front about all of it. Of course, it is that sort of surrender of a private life that lets them cherish the fame I abhored, so maybe not. Instead look for some amazing vegan recipes. Who wants to come be my guinea pig?

And now off to do more of that stuff that earns the money to finally pay the bills that have been piling up since the catastrophe….


Suzanne Takes You Down. I named this poem for a 60’s song that always makes me think of my sister.

Suzanne Takes You Down

Like the thorny wall around Rapunzel

Keeping prince and love at bay,

I’m surrounded by my anger at the ones who won’t be saved;

Excusing and abusing

With lies and pills and bruises

And their promises of change

Which are as empty as the bottles and the cans they gather; hide.


But it’s my guilt that I’m left living,

not  these memories of deception

That  keeps me now, inside.


The door, if found, acceptance

that again,  when I would have saved you,

Instead, I have survived.



This poem is primarily to my sister, but it also includes all the others in my life who cheated themselves out of happiness through addiction/alcoholism, rejected and hurt those who truly loved them while embracing abusive relationships and then died either at their own hand or from their addictions. Unfortunately in my family and friends there are too many, and a few still trying.


When Helen Came to Troy

When Helen Came to Troy

Cassandra how did you greet the agent of happiness’ destruction
The match to light the kindling layed by greed and pride
Knowing as you saw her enter in your cities wall
That all you loved and valued would exit with her tide
Did you offer drink and comfort; with proper manner welcome in
Tortured by your gifted prescience, knowing too, they thought you lied,
Why did you never learn to hold your tongue or when to close your eyes.