I have seen your face and it’s too much too much for me.

Trouble oh trouble can’t you see you’re eating my heart away…..Cat Stevens

So here are the newest medical updates: I have another Echo next week followed by my game plan appointment with Cardiology. Marvin the Monitor is headed back to relay all his not already recorded info if any into the BIG computer which will then be compiled with all the lab readings, exams and general inspections into a fifty page report that can be aptly summarized in these words, “We don’t know, but your symptoms are……” Just kind of kidding but as patient and as medical professional I am acutely aware medicine is an art not a science.

At least that is the way it is looking to me.

Non-pro-dromal Syncope is my only new diagnosis. Sounds pretty fancy, huh? Means I fainted without warning. Already knew that when I woke up on the sidewalk, lol.

My heart has beat to its own drummer for awhile so that is not new to anybody, I guess in two weeks I will know if it can ever be made to step in time or if it’s gonna just keep making its own kind of music. In the meantime, I am a kite without my tail waiting to go back to the job that defines me.

My medical answer bank is empty. And, as of last Friday, my bank account is empty.

My idea box, my heart and my gratitude lists are all full to overflowing.

So my rent of $450 is due today, car insurance of $75 and cell service of $50 (Verizon prepaid card) are both due by the 7th  and I will start owing Cash One on Feb 10 to the tune of 50$ a week. I took a title loan because it was something I could do to pay off a settled medical debt that would have all its fees return if I missed payments. I realize that as soon as I am back to work or receiving disability that will be my first pay off or it will be an expensive decision.

So things I have to offer:

I bake, knit, crochet and sew: actually pretty well. I am willing to swap any of my aforementioned skills for donations. I can also write a mean sonnet, play the bass very badly, and adapt dolls to fit their owners.

Pretty sure those last three aren’t in high demand.

But anyway, this is the hard part for me, asking for help.

I will be happy to pay it forward, trade what I have in skills or possessions to meet my responsibilities.

Accepting help makes me vulnerable. But that is where I am today.

If you donate please specify where you want your money to go and I give my word that it will.

Categories are as follows: Daily living – rent, car payment, etc.

 Skin We’re In Makeovers – these are the dolls I adapt for children who have wheelchairs, a tracheotomy, a g-tubes, AFO’s, skeletal or muscular differences, and/or other attributes not mirrored in popular toys. I generally use Build a Bears and 18″dolls but have done action figures and fashion dolls. Each toy from start to finish can consume 40-150$ in parts and supplies. The smiles they produce are priceless. Representation does matter to kids.

     My 20 Wishes List (aka Bucket List)

To be discussed in detail in another post.

I will tell you that I have had in the past, and still have, the best friends in the world in my life. There is food in my fridge and cupboard, lots of comfy clothes in my closet, love all around me, peace in my heart when I first wake in the morning, and oh yeah, I have my bus pass, and a plan.

I thank you in advance for any help, signal boosts and comments of encouragement are also help, not just the spare 10 or 20.

And now I will sleep, I had to catch the bus while it was dark this morning. To all the morning commuters who do this daily as part of being ecological, part of their small economies, or maybe like me because of their health, I send any merit I have earned today and salute you.

I may miss my car and my job but I still fall asleep safe, happy and above all grateful.