As life brings me to another personal midwinter, and i struggle to find the faith and joy that this merry season is known for regardless of your pantheon or holiday nomencalture, i ponder the irony of what we need most is usually the hardest for us to begin.

And all growth comes with a little discomfort.

At my heaviest, even walking made me short of breath, now I again feel the joy of running that I felt as a child, still only short distances, but that improves each time I push to the edge of my comfort zone.

I have been avoiding meditation and writing because the cumulative pain of this years losses and a growing awareness of new ways i need to change means i find my time at the altar less peace, more tears and squirm and my writing is mostly the spiritual debriding of wounds both old and new.

And don’t get me started about the news or the economy these days because I find the hope hard to come by..

Thankfully there are many little candles around me, friends, family, my Marley like dogs, books, music and little opportunities each day to perform small deeds of kindness. The light will come back on, faith or no faith in its progress the seasons will change, the days grow long and sunny, faith just helps us light a candle while we wait.

I am searching my pockets right now for a match….I know I stowed one away for just this kind of time.