Home has forever been defined for me by  lines from a Robert Frost poem
and the clicking of two ruby shoes.

The poem is Death of a Hired Man
the words are found close to the end of the poem
I cried the hardest I think I ever had the first time I read it
Not for the hired man
I wasn’t yet eight
and the edges of my world were just beginning to curve;
the gravity of my situation spinning less around me
and more around others
as my galaxy gave forth to wider humane scape.
I did not cry for the hired man, I cried for me.
Knowing for sure
that in this world, I had no home

Warren,’ she said, ‘he has come home to die:
You needn’t be afraid he’ll leave you this time.’

Home,’ he mocked gently.

Yes, what else but home?
It all depends on what you mean by home.
Of course he’s nothing to us, any more
then was the hound that came a stranger to us
Out of the woods, worn out upon the trail.’

Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in.’

‘I should have called it
Something you somehow haven’t to deserve.’

For everything in my world was earned
(or so I was told and chose to believe)
from the ample bruises to the sparse hugs
and when life was moonlit only and clouds hid even that,
I knew no arms would
or should

take me in..

So in answer to that knowledge I have taken in all hounds,
harbored the homeless
loved the strangers
pillowed the head of all the hired men my home,
my arms and fires could warm.

but never found
never allowed
my own home.

Then there were the two ruby shoes
and there “No Place Like Home” magic,
so far as I could see
the red shoes brought Dorothy back to the same grey places
the same tired faces
from first viewing at four to somewaht past ten
I knew I would not use those shoes at all.
I sang and dreamed of that place Over the  Rainbow
so much like my father’s heaven,
yet different, more like Frost’s home, unearned.
Dorothy was no witch at all, just a simple little girl
And knew if I had those shoes
I would not come back to my grey life again.

Perhaps it was the song by America,   but probably not

I think the lyrics by rote came first, the wisdom came years later
all I know is somewhere as I grew
Oz began to mean a place where I learned what I already knew
appreciated what I already had
my smallness by a journey made greater.


A very interesting day..

I finished my newspaper work on time, and even turned in the right file this time. (Whole other story and not a pretty one, mind you. It was evidence that my tech skills are that of a dinosaur even if my words occasionally are more highly evolved. And Nov 19  issue looked great and they had tons of timely previously cut material to cover my boo boo. Less than half of what I write sees the page usually, although most of it is available online, due to space constraints.

Anyway, anyone who wants to read my current professional work can find it at www.santansun.com. Nope, no byline, but most of the articles in the AZ Arts section are cobbled together by yours truly from press releases, websites and phone calls. My stuff is way at the back starting I think on page 58 through page 65 and the new Editor rewrote my best headlines, but hey, no words are sacred and that is the way the professional writer flavored cookie crumbles or the one about Warhol influenced art at the post office would have the  headline “Pop goes the easel”.

My nano novel is going slow. Will get back to it in the morning. Had to say hi to the blogosphere. Need to go to bed now if I am going to write before going to my “boot camp” training in the AM.

I am not going to talk about the Occupy movement and how that all went down. I don’t have enough clear facts about what happened to cognizantly defend  my initial  reaction (which I have to everything including social networks and GPS), namely “OMG, I am living in that Orwellian dystopia future I read about as a teenager. ” Then after thinking these thoughts, unfortunately and like so many of the rest of us, I go back to my routine. Mostly I go back to what I normally do because I do not understand the purpose of the movement or how I can actually effect their goals. I do oppose the use of police force to squelch free speech and I do believe money and the few who have most of it control large portions of our government. I think that’s evident from the inability to get anything done in Washington, regardless of what percentage of persons in America believe we need infrastructure jobs or the rich paying their fair share of taxes, Big Brother won’t let it happen.

But I also go back to what I do because I cannot save the world if I can’t even tend my own garden of needs. I have bills to pay and mouths (to BIG canine mouths besides mine) to feed, and people who depend on me to meet my responsibilites. I try to change the world a little bit by smiling and saying thank-you as often as I can, by buying local and buying organic if I can, by not consuming more than I need. My commitment is to “Ahimsa” as I understand it and integrating that into my daily small decisions and choices is my own Occupy movement. I am trying very hard to occupy with mindfulness the life I was given. I respect those whose path is different than mine, whose options and choices allow for them change the world in bigger, louder headline ways and don’t believe that resorting to sneakiness or force to stop them is right

So I guess I did talk about what happened to Occupy camps across America, but I am done now. And off to sleep so I can go work on the whole Slow Old Fat Triathlete becoming faster and thinner (however still getting older).

Happy Thanksgiving if I don’t get back before then, And don’t forget Small Business Saturday!

FTR: I am alive and nano’ing

I am nano-ing.

I am back at my training.

I am also working very hard at another goal that right now seems as impossible as the triathlon seemed this time last year, and that goal is to get out of debt. Therefore I am working very hard taking all hours I can get as a nurse and doing a wee job with a local newspaper that actually seems to care about writing the local stories rather than just placing words on paper to fill the space between sold add space, which unfortunately seems to be the case in many of the free local papers.

(side note: If any readers know of paid copyediting work or paid non-byline writing opportunities I am all ears….or does that metaphor work on line? My dream job as a writer would be to again be writing the precis on the back of books, or be a book length published poet, because no one ever knows who those writer’s are.  My brief brush with author fame and notoriety convinced me I really am much shyer and much thinner skinned than people realize)

Anyway, I really do mean to blog more frequently but that being said, we know which road me and my good intentions are on so here are my top 5 blogs to read when sadly mine is silent. (and I am doing 5 not 10 and doing this  “from” favorite not “to” favorite because I am ever the rebel.

1. http://whatever.scalzi.com/   Scalzi is the grandpa of the online blog and although his claim to fame is sci fi writing there is no shortage of politics, humor and cuteness here. I especially recommend finding his Thanksgiving Advent section if maybe a smile is in order. Has a bit of a Mental Floss/NPR vibe.

2.http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/ Another blog I have read for at least a decade I believe. On which we have watched Wil Wheaton grow from a man I would have considered capable about lying about his “Mema” to someone who I would want to bake my own Mema cookies for cause he is that cuddly. This blog has more of a “People”magazing/LOLCats.com feel somedays, other days feels like reading a modern day Emerson.

3.http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/ This one is I hope self-explanatory, if not, click on the link and read a few entries. Everybody should floss daily!

4. http://www.wired.com/geekdad/ OK, this is often kind of like window shopping in the really expensive stores, other times, like his post on Mandelbrott it is as close to formal education as I get these days. (and yes, I really, really want the Angry Birds Board Game!)

5.http://imarriedanomnivore.com/ I have followed her and her recipes since she was on Blogspot. Sadly I haven’t added her to Facebook because I am weaning myself off facebook if it wasn’t for certain old friends and poets I would be done with it.

Anyway, I must get back to updating my nurse credentials, actually cooking and eating breakfast and adding to mynovels  word count if not its plot.  Later this week (in preparation for MY big shopping day “Small Business Saturday”) my five favorite local businesses and five favorite not as local but still not evil empire size shops.

But hey, whats your favorite blog or website? I really want to know?

P.S. I expect once I am sure of the facts (I know crazy of me isn’t it to check those out first) that there will also be a blog about the not very “American Values” response happening around the country to the Occupy movement.


Today focus on your out breath

This post is really about nothing. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Sit comfortably. Take a cleansing breath, close your eyes and ground.  Each time your mind comes up with  a new topic, acknowledge its process but go back to just focusing on your breath. When the time goes off, go back to frantic thinking, planning, scheming and general activity (or non-activity since you are probably on your computer like me right now)

Thank-you. That is all.

Identifying responsibility vs. blame

Three things I am working as hard to lose as the flab on my body is the tendency to blame, complain, and procrastinate.

The exercises I am using are meditation, gratitude and lists.

After a period of clearing the mind of its consistent chatter, I pick something that is bothering me and identify where my responsibility lies in it, what I can actually change. I have been doing this for awhile and just like running, swimming or riding a bike it is getting easier, more natural to do on the fly so to speak.

November is my annual gratitude month, my way of celebrating Thanksgiving. Was kinda psyched to see a favorite author Scalzi doing it (much more public and better written than my bedside one) and challenge you to check out http://whatever.scalzi.com/  and follow his gratitude. I loved the one about why he is grateful he doesn’t drink and the one about A/C, well, that makes my gratitude list a lot, living as I do in AZ. Most important two words in the English language are ” thank-you!”

As for procrastinating, I will write about that tomorrow…don’t want to be late for work. *grin*

Nanowrimo is here…but I am cleaning bathrooms..

So Halloween was brief for me. I mostly helped my “baby” finish cleaning his house, then fell asleep on my couch by 8. This morning I am going slow as well. Slept in till 0630. Seems funny to not be training with Dawn this morning…in two weeks I restart, mostly because of work schedule, starting tomorrow I work 5 days of 10plus hours, three days off and five more days of 10 or more hours. Will still run and bike a little today and then alternate them daily. Also completely back to clean eating. Enjoyed the little binge of carbs and grease and sugar and really tasty porter the last two days but my sinuses and joint pain remind me that clean eating is a bit better for my body, LOL.

Anyway I have eight stories to write for my newspaper job and 5000 words for Nanowrimo to get in today, but first off to finish the cleaning on y sons old apartment.

Namaste friends!