Woke up in abed, made myself some coffee with the running water I have easy access to in my house, ate breakfast and then cleaned myself, dressed myself because I have access to clean clothing, cleaning products and a shower AND all my parts move. Now I am going to a job because I have a paying job, actually doing something I love.  Whatever blips there are in my day, may I not forget how far I have come and how lucky and blessed I am.

Namaste.

Confucious said “It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you keep going.” This mantra is tattoed somewhere in my karmic weaving, I am quite sure, but there are days even I start to forget this.  I really don’t like whining and in the typical “judge others you judge yourself” self awareness I love/hate I realize my irritation with it is because I am sounding whiny and annoying in my head these days and certainly a bit on the outside as well.  If I went into the reasons here it would just feed the wrong wolf so trust me on this fact, I am frequently meandering off the gratitude path.

Luckily I am surrounded by happy, grateful people, two of whom are my son and his wife. Yesterday, after my extra day one of three of work, I went to their house for my second bike riding lesson. Rick did a bunch of online research about how to teach an old dog (mature person like me) new tricks (riding a bike). I managed to actually lift my feet a few times and let the bike coast a few squares before dropping my feet to stop, and did my first minor freak out and fall.  I have incredibly patient teachers and my fear has dropped to healthier levels than my original intense panic.

After the bike lesson, Dawn and I went to the pool. It was very hot, murky and full of bugs and children. I am being all Negative Nancy and Dawn is “Well, I will say I like swimming better in the morning”. She rocks. We did swim for an hour but I only got a couple laps in and only two full lengths. I showed up, almost phoned it in actually, but showed up for both.

Funny thing is that even as some part of my brain is having a little temper tantrum that I really have bitten off more than I can chew and I should just admit defeat and quit, another part is looking at two months of progress and saying…”hey, OK so we show up in October and finish,  that’s all, no big deal.  No point quitting now, look how far you’ve come.” I am choosing to listen to that voice.

Other realization this morning is that I get whiny and complainishy (yea, made a word up, we can all get over it now) when I feel guilty about “not being enough”. I have an awesome friend who has had surgery and I still haven’t gotten across town to see him, many of my bills have been late and I have new obligations I am still unsure how I will meet, there are numerous tasks around the house that are undone or half done due to my exhaustion when I do get home from my extra hours, and therefore I feel bad about myself and begin to make excuses!

There I said it, sometimes I am the kind who makes excuses. There are two kinds of people, those who make dreams come true and those who make excuses. I am both. Except throughout the annoying excuses I still keep showing up to life. I would love to say I am doing my best but the very fact I am whining again tells me that deep inside I know I am not doing my best. I need once again to re-examine, re-prioritize and make yet another list of what I need to do, want to do, and what I think I should be doing and then re-configure my actual life to coincide with the plan.

Often all this does for me is help me see how close I am to my real plan, but frequently it also helps me find creative ways to do more and expect less, giving me back a grateful approach to myself and my life which makes everything better.

Anyway, my alarm went off and I so I must get ready for work. My money tree failed to flower this year do to drought I think so have to earn it the old fashioned way which means picking up shifts where ever I can, although this weeks extra three days has more to do with friendship and doing the right thing than it does with them money.

Apologize for the roughness. Will edit and improve this blog entry tomorrow morning. For now may I wish that we all travel safely, that we may find such health and prosperity as may bring us physical happiness; such gratitude and compassion as may bring us spiritual happiness and that we may live with ease.

Namaste.

Okay, for the record I was singing that to the Beatles “Wednesday Morning”. Since the only way to get back into the swing of things is, well, to actually get swinging, I was up at 4:30 and doing my 30 minute walk/run.

Every place I have lived has a month or two of weather that encourages a sedentary lifestyle. In Arizona it is July and early August.  At 5AM today it is over 85 degrees and the humidity is 30%.  30% humidity was nothing when I lived by the ocean but it is extremely high after living a decade in the desert.  I will admit when I opened my eyes to the warm sweaty dawn,  I actually reset my alarm clock and closed my eyes. I absolutely did not want to do my stretches or take the dog for a run. I wanted to lay like the steamed vegetable I was.

Then my mantras automatically started running like audio news loops in my head:

“There are two kinds of people, those who make their dreams come true and those who make excuses”

“Never trade what you want most for what you want right now.”

What I want most is to complete this Sprint Tri in October. So I got out of bed, pulled on my Rainbow CareBear shirt and saggy shorts, grabbed the top pair of socks from the door and laced on my running shoes. Cozi’s tail started wagging the second I reached for the socks.Next was getting the leash on my ecstatic Golden and we were out the door.

I pulled my Smart Phone out of my pocket and brought up my sports program and hit “start” but my Endomondo program wasn’t registering any movement at all. Temptation was to fiddle away part of my half hour trying to make it work, instead  I just stuck the phone in my pocket to keep track of time and took off walking/running. It ends up that somehow I had switched the activity to sailing so that might be why the android program was not tracking speed or distance, but at home I have an actual route so I can measure my progress against my previous run.

It is funny for me to talk to other Triathlon participants when I meet them on-line or in person because they always tell me their strongest and weakest portion of the event and ask mine. I smile and say “I am pretty equal in all the sections although least experienced on the bike.” I tell you this about my running because it is equally as accomplished as my swimming where I am gradually increasing accumulated lengths(25 meters) to the required sprint length of 200 meters but still unable to do a full 50 meters (lap) without a minute break between laps. Biking is improving on a stationary bike but still haven’t actually a real one, and my running is of commensurate ability, I pretty much suck.LOL

However, when I started at the beginning of June, I could not make a full length in the pool with a kickboard without a break, walking 5k required two rests and my thirty minutes on the stationary bike yielded (at flat resistance 2) 3.7 miles, and Tuesday I did 6 miles of interval resistance, walk 5k (run small blips), and swim (in pieces) 250 meters with face down and (still poor form) freestyle.

It is about progress and showing up even on the days when I want to believe the voice in my head that says this is all nonsense, and I am pushing myself too hard, and I can’t do it anyway, and it’s too hot, and I can always start again tomorrow. The problem is that their are never any shortages of excuses, but todays and nows are numbered. So my little blog is done today and I drank my soy fruit smoothie. Time to pack my stuff up and head off to the pool for swim time with Phil.

Sadly today my DIL has a really early court hearing with a client and so won’t be joining us. Have really missed her these last two weeks and look forward to swimming with her again soon. Hopefully be seeing on or the other of my sons back in the practice pool with us this coming week as well.

Namaste my friends, and whatever you are doing today, give it your best, which is always a little more than we think we have to give.